I’ve always been a free spirit. I am constantly looking for something fun and new. If I get bored or restricted, I run. I’ve never thought of myself as an impulsive person, but someone who likes to do what they want when they want with who they want. I rarely think about the consequences and like to go with what I feel at the time. I never go out looking for trouble, but trouble always seems to find me, and trouble always comes in the form of a boy. I have no problems attracting attention from the opposite sex. It’s just that it’s never the “right” attention. A typical night out would be my friends and I at a bar/club and a cute boy buying me drinks and dancing with me. For me, it’s all about chemistry. It’s either there or it’s not. Unfortunately, the initial spark between myself and a male always just leads to friendship and nothing more.
When I do develop feelings, I try my best to hide them in fear of being rejected (because most guys don’t want relationships). I have been told by several guys that I’ve been with that they like me because I’m a girl who just “likes to have fun.” I am a fun and easy going person and that’s what people like about me, but does this mean that I can’t be in a relationship?
Perhaps I am evolving and I do want something more stable, because I’ve never been a part of something real. I know I stopped myself before from liking/loving someone because I have a fear of them leaving me or hurting me, but now I am even open to that possibility. Is it too late for me? Everyone already sees me as “the fun girl” so how do I change?
Working makes me miss school —- a lot! I thought college was such a drag, but now I think those four years were the best years of my life!
I remember my college life. It wasn’t all book and trips to classes and libraries. Definitely not. High school was fun, but college was more fun and liberating. My college life was faaaar from boring.
I remember late nights spent, not necessarily on class projects as I would always tell my folks (and if they’re reading this now, don’t hate me. I didn’t turn out so bad, anyway), but on nights in who-knows-where.
I always looked forward to class breaks for a quick Iced tea and a bite of that yummy Cordon Bleu, or just sitting (and chatting!) on one of those benches in the lobby with my equally just-sitting friends.
I was totally into the Student Council especially during my last year in college and honestly, I don’t regret having been so. They were like second family to me and I loved —- love—- them. I wouldn’t have survived the madness and chaos of Mapua without them.
Even having my hospital duty, which I dreaded doing for three years, became tolerable, thanks to a great and fun group I became part of.
I also remember going to class in the morning, hanging out with some friends in the afternoon…
and doing my sweet escape at night for a fashion stint. And sometimes, it’s the other way around.
What is my point? Learn as much as you can while in school; but in the process, learn to also have fun. And believe me, there are more than enough people in college that would show you how to.
And while they teach you studying, they can also teach you one important thing: the gift of family-like closeness and friendship that may not necessarily make you the next magna cum laude, but definitely a saner, better and more complete person.
Not because you partied all night (pretty much I did! Teehee.)…
You know there’s not really much anyone can say… I’ve heard all the typical things you would say to someone —- “it gets better”, “give it time”, “you deserve better” etc… To be honest nothing helps. Even if it’s happened to you, we can’t compare ourselves. Love between two people is different, so heart break between two people is different. How it feels to you is different.
It’s been a month (or so) and my wound still feels fresh, it still feels like I have a gaping hole in my chest. I still think about it everyday, every minute, every second and the scary thing is I actually believe that I will never get over it. I admit I fell so hard for I lost myself in the process and rotated my life around you.
I just miss everything. I hurt all the time, I break all the time, I want you all the time. I was left with an empty shell, wounding me so much I physically hurt. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I lie in bed for hours just thinking, just hurting. I want to be okay. Things will be alright.
At first, I thought it was my letter who brought upon the changes…
…Apparently not. One hate message received. And that simple message changed EVERYTHING.
Fast forward to this day! With everything that’s going on right now… I will do my best to be just fine. I decided that if you don’t want me in your life, then I don’t need you in my world as well. First I wanted to forget about you, but then I decided that I will keep the wonderful moments we had locked up in my heart. When I need it, I will unlock them and remember what we used to have, but then I will keep them locked up nice and save in my heart again and never think about it.
I don’t want to care anymore. Those hurtful words you just said, you cannot take that back —- whether you meant that or not. And yes, for now. Just now. This is about you. Happy? Contented? Now STOP. Please.
What is the basis of a white lie? Is it really so bad? I know that lying is basically bad, but is there ever a situation where hiding the truth or lying is acceptable?
Whenever you do the right thing for some weird reason it always blows up in your face, sometimes it’s so tempting to just lie about it and just get away with so many things or cause no damage whatsoever. I mean really think about it, in certain situations when you hide or lie about something to not cause pain then you’re doing a good thing. More like the end justifies the means sort of thing you know.
But when is it ever really right to just lie or hide something?
If you have the answer to this question please let me know. I’m finding it very hard to answer this.
I’m really at a loss as to what I should be doing, perhaps because my mind is clouded by emotion.
More often than not life gives you very unexpected turns, things that you would never do in a million years but you end up doing them anyway. At one point in life I’m pretty sure you thought that you had a brilliant plan laid out, and you were so sure about it too. But what if something you didn’t expect, something you didn’t plan out deviated you from that path? What if you suddenly found yourself in a very strange road that was not at all familiar. Will you eventually get back on that path? Is an unexpected turn of events just a momentary bump to hinder you from getting to the end goal? or does it change completely because of that bump?
I know I may not be making much sense to most of you, but I guess I just have so many questions about life right now. I’d seen myself going to a very specific end goal before, and I was so sure of it. Bumps happened and now as much as I still want to end up in that specific place, I don’t know if the universe will allow it, with all the complications in life, I don’t know if it’ll still end up the same way I always thought it out to be. I know I can plow through whatever challenge life throws at me, but at the end will I be standing there alone? In a place that’s so unfamiliar, so alien, so strange to me? Or will it all still be the same. I think it was Machiavelli who said the end justifies the means, so I guess the last question I have in my head now is if you change the means, will the end result still be the same?
We choose the lives we live.
And right now, all I wanna do is just RUN away from everything.
Contrary to what you’re probably thinking this post isn’t exactly about my new found freedom status or whatnot. It does however have a similar feel to it, plus the sad, crappy part. So if you don’t want cheese, turn back now! :D Okay. With no major event happening in my life, without any trigger of any sort… I just woke up and said it’s time to STOP moping around. All of a sudden everything seemed okay, everything feels alright. I don’t feel the need to be with somebody, not that I’m saying that I don’t that want to happen but I just don’t think it’s a necessity anymore. I’m coping with it pretty well, just enjoying whatever it is that I’m doing as of the moment.
If you have been reading my blog/tweets/FB status every now and then, I’m sure you’d notice that I’m not really 100% happy with the way life is right now, I mean seriously doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to figure that out but as a silver lining to this incredibly dark cloud that I’m moving through right now, I think I’ve finally found where I want to be and it’s right here where I am now. I just have to work for a few more things to make it completely or to say it in a more realistic manner to be extremely close to perfection when it comes to life.
I’ve seriously been having loads of fun this February because most of my friends are celebrating their birthday on the month of love (and when I say LOVE, I felt a tinge of sadness there in a second), so you can probably imagine it’s a bunch of parties left and right. I haven’t really had a lot of alone time lately but it’s all good. :)
So let the good times roll! First off, we had an indulgent dinner at Mariel’s house in Parañaque. Ate a lot of pasta. I DIE! And that chocolate cake… YUMMY!
En route to Republiq!
When two or more are gathered in the name of fun —- it’s a party!
That’s my girl! My fellow BB, the incomparable Mariel Centeno! Happy birthday love! :)) Gorgeous, isn’t she? :)
If you know me personally I’m sure you’ve pretty much figured out that I’m not the most athletic person in the world, I probably could have made it big if I pushed through with volleyball or swimming but I never really had the heart for it. If you know me even better, I’m sure you’re thinking in your head that shopping, drinking, and partying are my ultimate distraction, but if you would rewind my life back in 2010, it hasn’t really worked for me. I really just wanted a little peace of mind in this time of turmoil. Much to my surprise I finally discovered something pretty unexpected, I found my distraction back and I know it may sound stupid to you, yes you, but it’s been the focal point of my happiness as of late. Drum roll please…
… No, not that guy in the background! It’s the friggin’ booze. I know it sounds stupid, but lately this has been the only thing I’ve been looking forward to lately (sounds kind of sad I know). But right after drinking a few shots or taking down a few bottles (can’t get too drunk though, I have responsibilities at work mind you), I just end up too tired to actually think about everything I’ve been stressing about, don’t get me wrong it’s not like I’ve forgotten my problems or anything but I’ve just been really preoccupied with it that my brain doesn’t have enough left to think of anything else. Oddly enough it’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever drink, I mean I’ve been drinking since God-knows-when. Lol.
Crappy thoughts aside, we sort of “invaded” a reserved cocktail table…
…of a person named Harbie. LOL. Fast forward to the highlight of the night (cue music)…
…YES! We got a VIP table c/o our new found friend, Val. We were just blown away! Amazing… I know! :)
…and you know I can’t resist that! Teehee.
There are only two people in this world who knows how crazy I can get, and how much of a hopeless romantic person I am (Or at least I’d like to think so)… that would be Kai and Carl (Superimposing Carl’s image here). They witnessed EVERY LITTLE THING that I’ve went through —- and we’re always there for one another —- through thick and thin, through sick and sin (Whoops!). I love them just as much as I love my…
…my lovely sister. We are off the same birthday (different year), and let me just clear things up, I am the younger one. Believe me please. Lol! I think I wouldn’t survive my 22 years without her. SHE’S THE BEST SISTER any one would want to have. :)))
A lot of dancing, a lot of drinking… No sleep!
Told you I’m crazy. Lol.
Pretty faces that partied all night… :)
I adore this pic! Blue + Green! Kai and I didn’t talk about our matching outfits! Love how our closeness comes out naturally. :)
Cheers to a bright future —- thanks to my friends! :)
Talk about Highschool to College friends! :)
To my surprise, we also saw our former grade school classmate, James Tagle. I remember how he used to tease me back then. Hate it. Lol.
Meet our new friend, Val. I must say, he’s one of the handful humble persons I know of. Super thanks to him, this was made possible. :) Well, it’s always a great night at Republiq. :)
So you see, everything seems enjoyable, I guess you just have to find your niche. They say that the human body can only take chemical imbalances (i.e. Love, Depression, Anger) for a certain amount of time. I guess that amount of time has passed for me.
I’ll end this entry with a quote from one of my favorite zombie films. Zombieland.
"Rule #32 in zombieland. Enjoy the little things."
…and that’s exactly what I’m doing now. :)
xx Pink Manila asymmetrical dress worn as a top, Forever 21 bandage skirt, Stella Luna strappy heels, Accessorize accessories xx
The gang’s together again. :) Whutta FUNtastic Saturday night out with TRIAD and friends! What TRIAD, you may ask? Well, it all started in college. Yes, Carl, Kai, and I have our different circle of friends but one quick getaway-slash-drinking sesh at Tagaytay got us talking and there… Voila Triad was born! :) We call ourselves TRIAD for some reason (aside from the fact that we are a trio). We have this similarity that only the three of us knows! LOL.
Me, Ryan, Kai, Carl :)
And here we are, with the gorgeous birthday celebrant, Kai. We decided to kick it off over at PierOne The Fort.
Ej, Sissy Coco and Kyle also joined the FUN! :)
Had a spontaneous bonding with my girls! :) That’s my fellow BB Mariel. BUTT BABE! :)
Talk about being gorgeous! :) GHETTO FAB!
Friends and fun all in one night! What more could I ask for? :)
xx Topshop lace top, Black shorts, Forever 21 Textured tights, Zara booties, Aldo necklace xx
A lot of speculations came about. Suicide or Accidental firing —- we really don’t know. It just pains to know that we all had to see our batchmate, this way. But wherever he is now, we know, he’s happy. And he will surely be missed. :(
Saw a lot of our batchmates during the wake. Small talk with some, and snob moments with too many! Lol!
I actually went to the wake with my close friends-slash-highschool and college batchmates, Ryan and Kai.
And to cap off the night, Ryan, Kai, and I headed to Starbucks for a quick caffeine fix.
Forgive the haggard/no make up look! I’m totally restless. It’s been a long day.
We decided to take pictures of us three, to tease Carl about the TRIAD thing. We hope it worked! Haha.
And here we are, laughing our hearts out. See you guys this Saturday! :)
Yep! that’s Ryan’s ride!:) Coolness. I just have to hype up my sense of direction. I’m so not good with it. We got lost. From Pandacan to Makati to Taft to Intramuros to Pandacan again?? Then finally Makati, my home! Yes, we kinda got lost as Ryan drove me home. Sorry Ry! :D